The Perfect Song Blog

This is a step-by-step account of trying to order wood pellets (which you burn in a wood pellet stove) from our local Lowe’s.

It’s important to note that I’m not making up any of this.

STEP 1

My wife, Leigh, goes over to Lowe’s and talks with the sales guy in the department. She wants to know what the best brand is. He recommends two — Nature’s Own and xxxxx.

She buys a bag of each and we burn them. We decide on Nature’s Own.

STEP 2

I drive over on Saturday and order six tons of Nature’s Own wood pellets. The sales lady has been there for years and is very efficient. I hand her the paper on which I’ve written “Nature’s Own.”

She copies it down on the order. I tell her we want them delivered on Thursday. I’ve re-arranged my office schedule to take the day off to load the 300 bags into the cellar.

STEP 3

The next morning, the delivery truck arrives. I go out and meet the driver. “They were supposed to be delivered Thursday,” I tell him. He apologizes and says he was told to deliver them today. Since he has a little fork lift I ask him (which Leigh wisely suggested) if he can carry them around back, thus saving us having to load them into our trailer, drive them around and unload them. He walks around the house and surveys things. Sure, he says. Each pallet is wrapped in black plastic to protect the bags.

The driver unloads them all around the back of the house. Leigh and I are ecstatic.

Nathan and his girlfriend, Danielle, come up to help and we start carrying the 40 pound bags into the cellar and stacking them.

Leigh comes out. “Oh no!” We all stop. It is not good when Leigh yells “Oh No!”

People tend to freeze in position.

“That’s the wrong brand! That’s not Nature’s Own. We had this brand before and the pellets didn’t burn. I won’t accept those.” She goes into the house to call Lowe’s. We silently put the bags back on the pallet.

Step 4

She calls the manager who apologizes and says they’ll come and get the bags and replace them with the correct ones. “Thursday,” she says. “It has to be Thursday.” He says that’s fine.

A few hours later the delivery guy returns with a new load of six tons of bags.

“They’re supposed to be delivered Thursday,” Leigh says.

The delivery man shrugs helplessly. Leigh looks at bags. “They’re still not the right ones! It’s not Nature’s Own!”

The delivery man apologizes. “I’ll take them back. I don’t understand what’s going on but our policy is that the customer has to be satisfied.”

Step 5

That afternoon the manager calls. I answered the phone. “I’m just checking to make sure that you got your delivery.”

“No. You delivered the wrong brand, again.” We went through it. “It’s Nature’s Own,” I say for the 20th time.

“And you wanted four tons.”

“No. Six tons.”

Oh. Six tons. Okay. We’ll have that delivered Tuesday.”

“Thursday!”

“Yes, okay. Thursday. My apologies for the confusion.”

Step 6

On Monday morning Leigh and I leave for Meadville, PA where I am to give a presentation at Allegheny College.

On Tuesday, Nathan calls while we we’re getting gas and a hot dog at a convenient mart before heading back home. “The manager called me and said they don’t have Nature’s Own,” he says. “I told him you went over and talked with the sales guy and saw them and brought a bag of them home to test them. Fifteen minutes later he called and said, yes they do carry them and apologized for the confusion.
Half hour later the same deliver man brings the pellets.
Nature’s Own. It was Tuesday, not Thursday, but after four tries, they have gotten it right.
Lowe’s slogan is “Let’s Build Something Together.”
That’s cool. Just don’t deliver the materials.